Deep Darkness and Bright Light - Anatomy of a Breakdown

In the last installment of our story, Pluto had finally found the one button to make me drop it all – my integrity was wrongfully called into question. As a result, I quit both jobs and retreated from public life.

What I didn’t mention is that the exact moment I sent in my resignation letters was also the moment Uranus was exactly conjunct my Ascendant, down to the minute.

And, in true Uranus fashion, I suddenly had a life that was unrecognizable to me in a way I never would have predicted. I had been the primary earner in my family for, well, ever. That was my role and I was proud of it. But now my partner had to become the breadwinner while retreated to heal.

We honestly didn’t think it was possible, as I am far more educated and look much better on paper. But my Midheaven is conjunct his Descendant, so when I went down, he stepped up. He found a job making exactly what I did before, and I found a job that allowed me to work part time from home, and didn’t require me to talk to anyone.

And that’s all I did. I stayed inside, barely spoke to friends or family, and nursed my wounds. It was a dark time.

But it was also a healing one. Sometimes all you really need after a grueling ordeal is rest. And I started to come to terms with the idea of valuing myself not just as a worker, but as a partner and parent. I finally had time to go to therapy, pursue hobbies, and hone my cooking skills. I started seeing my family and friends more, and discovered that I hadn’t lost value in their eyes at all.

I healed.

And all the while, I was still consulting with clients who knew how to find me. In fact, my client base grew despite me having absolutely no online presence for over two years! It turns out that people who work with me actually value my work! I was shocked, truly.

I still mattered.

This year, Jupiter crossed my Ascendant and brought color back into my cheeks. I began to feel like I could do something. So I picked a time that looked good – a great chart that hits mine just right, and decided to relaunch my site.

And here we are! I’m alive, you’re reading this, and things are okay. My readership is small, but the chart of my site is mostly in Taurus. I expect it to grow like a garden – slow at first, but becoming lush and fruitful over time. And your comments, likes, and referrals keep me going.

This is also why I, contrary to many astrologers, believe that Uranus is an overwhelmingly positive force. It’s terrifying to give up control, but when we do, we see the word in a new way. I learned that I have value as a person no matter what I’m doing or how much money I make. And knowing that gives me a security I never thought possible.

In the end, all the worst things that ever happened to me have ended up being the foundation of my strength. It took a while to get there, but let me tell you, the view is so sweet.

Have you ever had a great downfall? How did you rise again?

There’s always light in the darkness. I can help you find it. Consult with me

Catching up? Here’s Part 3